I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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