i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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