he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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