i think i have herpe
just one?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
