I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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