I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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