the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
