got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
