no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
