Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
