Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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