My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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