I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
