it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize