My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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