she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize