im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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