I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
