Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
