I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
