So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
