It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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