Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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