We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
