what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
