I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
