Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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