South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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