Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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