ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
