Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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