My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
