operation harelip BJ is a go
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
