she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
