and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
