Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize