No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
