Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
