I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize