Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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