Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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