If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
