Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
