On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize