My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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