Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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