The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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