I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize