I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
