Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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