never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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