Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
