i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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