I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
