her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
