the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize