Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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