The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
