My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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