So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
