Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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