You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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