who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
