you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
