My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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