operation harelip BJ is a go
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
