just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
