I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i've created a new STD.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
